MAGPIES SNATCH VICTORY IN FORTRESS KERAVNOS HEIST!

The Fighting Magpies pulled off the smash-and-grab of the season at Keravnos FC's home ground yesterday, nicking all three points in a performance that had the home faithful crying into their half-time Bovril. One goal was all it took to silence the fortress, and by crikey, didn't they make it count!

=== RESULTS ===

Keravnos FC 0-1 The Fighting Magpies — Home side left with egg on their faces as visitors swoop in for daylight robbery

=== AROUND THE GROUNDS ===

Our sources at the ground report that Keravnos gaffer was seen kicking every ball in the dugout after the final whistle, while his opposite number couldn't stop grinning like he'd just found a tenner in his tracksuit pocket. The home faithful streamed out ten minutes early, muttering about tactics and pointing fingers at the board.

Word in the car park suggests Keravnos chairman was last seen heading straight for the directors' lounge, no doubt to discuss "investment strategies" over a large scotch. Meanwhile, The Magpies supporters were singing all the way back to their coaches, already planning the victory parade through their local boozer.

Next week's fixtures are shaping up nicely, and you can bet your bottom dollar — or should we say, your brown envelope? — that every manager will be working overtime on the training ground. Or at least, that's what they'll tell the press.

=== THE WHISTLE BLOWS ===

Keep your eyes peeled and your wallets close, football fans. In this beautiful game of ours, you never know who's watching, who's talking, or who's got their hand in the biscuit tin. Same time next week for all the goals, groans, and questionable financial decisions!

*Remember: We print the rumours so you don't have to start them.*