KERAVNOS NICK IT WITH LAST-GASP SCRAPPY WINNER

A proper backs-to-the-wall performance saw Keravnos FC squeeze past Riverside United in what can only be described as an absolute grinder at their gaff. One-nil to the home side, and you'd have gotten better odds on your nan scoring a hat-trick. Football? Barely, but three points is three points when you're scrapping at this level.

=== RESULTS ===

Keravnos FC 1-0 Riverside United — Riverside's attack went missing, last seen somewhere near the M6

=== SCANDAL SHEET ===

Clean as a whistle this week, lads! Either everyone's behaving themselves or they've finally learned to cover their tracks proper. Our investigative team is devastated — nothing to report means we actually had to watch the football. Criminal, that.

---

Remember: It's only cheating if you get caught. See you next week!