KERAVNOS NICK IT AT THE COAST — WANDERERS LEFT WONDERING!

Coastal City's trophy cabinet remains emptier than a chairman's promises as Keravnos FC snatched all three points with a smash-and-grab victory that'll have the home faithful choking on their half-time pies. One goal was all it took, and by crikey, wasn't it a beauty — or a shambles, depending on which end you were stood at!

=== RESULTS ===

Coastal City Wanderers 0-1 Keravnos FC — Visitors take the biscuits and leave Wanderers with crumbs!

=== MANAGER'S MOAN-IN ===

Sources close to the Coastal City dressing room report manager absolutely fuming with his keeper, who apparently couldn't catch a cold in January. "We've seen better hands on a fish," muttered one disgruntled season ticket holder outside the ground.

Meanwhile, Keravnos gaffer was spotted grinning like a cat who'd got the cream — and possibly nicked the neighbour's milk while he was at it. "Three points is three points," he told our intrepid reporter, "doesn't matter if it's pretty or ugly, long as it counts."

=== WHAT'S THE BUZZ? ===

Word from the terraces suggests Coastal City's board might be reaching for the telephone directory if results don't pick up sharpish. Nothing concentrates a manager's mind quite like the sound of his chairman's pen clicking, ready to sign that dreaded P45.

Keravnos, meanwhile, are quietly climbing the table like burglars up a drainpipe — not flashy, but effective. Keep this up and they might just find themselves in the conversation come springtime.

=== NEXT WEEK ===

Can Coastal City bounce back, or will they continue their descent into mediocrity? Will Keravnos keep their winning ways rolling? Tune in next week when we'll have all the gossip, all the goals, and all the grime!

Remember: In football, as in life, it's not about how you play the game — it's about who's got the best lawyer when the inquiry starts.

That's your lot for this week! — Your Editor, keeping his brown envelope firmly under the desk